Archive for the Camp-Cheese Category

QUEEN OF OUTER SPACE/1958/ZSA ZSA GABOR

Posted in Camp-Cheese, Science Fiction-Fantasy, Zsa Zsa Gabor on October 24, 2011 by Bill Courtney
QUEEN OF OUTER SPACE

1958/Director: Edward Bernds/Writers: Charles Beaumont, Ben Hecht

Cast: Zsa Zsa Gabor, Eric Fleming, Dave Willock, Laurie Mitchell, Lisa Davis, Paul Birch, Patrick Waltz

Producer of many cheesy sci-fi yarns Walter Wanger had just finished serving a four month prison sentence for shooting his wife’s (Joan Bennet) suspected lover in the leg and crotch – only four months since he successfully pleaded temporary insanity -when he began to put together this project based on a story by Ben Hecht. Hecht’s original story was more of a farce but Wanger wanted it the story to be more serious and turned the production over to Ben Schwalb for some reason. Schwalb had worked for Sam Katzman on some Bowry boy episodes and director Edward Bernds had done some Three Stooges films. I guess that is way Queen of Outer Space is sort of an odd little story at best. Many of the props and costumes seem to be left-overs from other sci-fi films – Forbidden Planet, World Without End, Flight to Mars – and the actors are playing it pretty straight but it is a cheese fest from the get go.

The film follows a story line that had already become familiar in previous sci-fi films and that is an adventure built around a group of male astronauts stranded on a planet of beautiful Amazon type women. The women are usually sexually frustrated and really seem to like Earthmen from the USA the best. Crew includes Eric Fleming and Paul Birch and the queen is Laurie Mitchell and her rival is prima donna Zsa Zsa Gabor. Story has it that Gabor was so difficult to work with that Ben Schwa wound in the hospital from stress and ulcers. Action takes place on Venus and there is a great spider in the cave sequence that usually accompanies these space maiden films. The color is nice and while the story drags for the most part it is worth the moments when the dialog gets really strange and to see the maidens drooling over the earth guys. The scene at the end where a flock of vivacious Venusian girls are pawing over an ecstatic Paul Birch sums it all. Fans of  super cheezy sci-fi will love it.

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CAT-WOMEN OF THE MOON/1953

Posted in Camp-Cheese, Science Fiction-Fantasy on October 6, 2011 by Bill Courtney

CAT-WOMEN OF THE MOON

1953/ Director: Arthur Hilton/ Writers: Al Zimbalist, Jack Rabin
Cast: Sonny Tufts, Victor Jory, Marie Windsor, William Phipps, Douglas Fowley, Carol Brewster, Susan Morrow, Suzanne Alexander
The storyline for Cat-Women of the Moon is a familiar one for the 50’s and 60’s. A group of men, with maybe one female in the gang, are stranded somewhere, an island, lost civilization on the far side of a secret mountain or a planet like Venus or even the earth’s moon, and there they encounter an all female race of something similar to Amazons. The race may or may not be dying off and what men there are, if any, are kept as slaves and the occasional stud service. Some similar films would be Abbot and Costello Go To Mars (they actually went to Venus in the film) Invasion of the Star Creatures, The wild Women of Wongo, Mesa of Lost Women and quite a few others. The plots are usually the same and some recurring themes would be a young and cocky guy who is fast with the wisecracks who feels he has died and gone to heaven and hits on anything that breathes, a greedy opportunist who wants to pilfer the wealth the Amazon type women horde and a romance between the queen and the group leader. The virility of the male leader awakens feelings in the queen she has not felt in a long time and clouds her better judgment which usually dictates she execute all the outsiders. There is usually a power struggle as well within the female society between the old school led by the queen and a group of usurpers who are simply wanting for the right moment to strike, such as when the queen is weakened by her feelings of love for a big hunk of man. Both Cat women of the Moon and Missile to the Moon contains almost all of these essential ingredients and despite being cheese fare they are actually well made and enjoyable movies.

Cat-Women of the Moon is the story of the first manned mission to the moon and among the crew of five is one woman Helen (Marie Windsor) who seems to the object of romantic interest of the by-the-book mission commander Laird (Sunny Tufts)and the number two man the hot headed and chauvinistic Kip (Victor Jory). Kip wastes little time in putting the moves on Helen as she is nursing him after an accident on the ship caused by a rouge meteor. The behavior of Kip is so callus and unprofessional that it could only happen in an old film like this. And obviously while Helen affirms she is Laird’s gal she likes the little cat and mouse game with manly Kip as well. Women in films from the 50’s and 60’s always liked overt sexual harassment as a form of prolonged foreplay and even a prerequisite to marriage. If the guy does not stalk her and harass her then he must not love her. Also on board is the young buck Doug and the shifty Walt. This crew was a result of the space program’s earlier selection processes and it would improve greatly by the time of the Gemini and Apollo missions. For an as yet to be explained reason Helen, the navigator, decides to land the ship n the moon’s uncharted dark side. There is little conflict with the crew over this and soon the ship is settled on the moon’s surface and the crew are out in their space suits exploring the Luan terrain. Along with all the other normal gear necessary to explore the moon Kip takes along a loaded pistol. You never know right?

Helen leads them to a cave where they soon find there is enough oxygen to not allow them to remove their space helmets but all of their spacesuits as well. Of course I do not mean they are standing around in their underwear, they have their uniforms on but I am not so sure it is a good idea to remove your entire spacesuit in an unexplored cave on the moon. The cave has oxygen and that is good, but it also has huge black spiders and that is bad. The spider is a huge puppet that moves pretty darn slow luckily. Helen freaks out and runs and the runs decided to go and box with the damned thing. It never occurs to Kip to use the gun he brought along and after being hit the face a few times by the guys the spider disappears. Soon they realize their spacesuits have vanished (see, bad idea) and soon they meet some of the Cat-Women who look pretty sexy in their black leotards. Kip bullies them with his gun of course but soon the crew are being led to the underground kingdom of the dying race of moon women led by Queen Alpha (Carol Brewster). As it turns out Helen’s mind has been controlled for sometime by the Cat-Women who need a spaceship to escape the moon’s decaying atmosphere, the remaining bit being contained in the cave. Young Doug falls in love in a matter of moments with good hearted Lambda (Susan Morrow) and Walt is soon on the trail of valuable minerals contained in the cave walls. Helen is not always under the spell of the Cat-Woman and Lambda has reciprocated Doug’s love in the same short span of time and warns the crew of their deadly fate if they do not escape soon.

Overall this is a pretty fun movie and one worth a couple watchings if you are a refined cheese lover. It is well made for the time and the lunar landscapes look pretty decent. The movie is also known as Rocket to the Moon but that can be easily confused with our second feature which is Missile to the Moon. If for nothing else this movie worth a watch for the sexy gals in it. I feel they are much sexier in their black cat suits than the bevy of beauties in our second feature are. But I am a sucker for cat suits I guess.

FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER/1965

Posted in American Horror, Camp-Cheese, Frankenstein, Science Fiction-Fantasy on September 13, 2011 by Bill Courtney
FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER

1965/ Director: Robert Gaffney/ Writers: R.H.W. Dillard, George Garrett

Cast: Marilyn Hanold,  James Karen, Lou Cutell, Nancy Marshall, David Kerman, Robert Reilly, Bruce Glover

Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster takes place on sunny Puerto Rico instead of Japan and is a fine example of a great bad movie that is worth watching more than once. It is really not a terribly made film in some respects. The film editing is not bad and there is a good music score (one song by the Distant Cousins may have been the inspiration for the riff from one of my favorite Thrill Kill Kult songs, Babylon Drifter) and the space ship interiors are far from the worst on record.

The story is about secret, cyborg astronaut Frank Saunders (Robert Riley) whose rocket is shot out of the sky by space aliens who think it is an attacking missile. When the aliens discover that Frank has survived the attack they g down to Earth themselves to finish off the potential witness that may jeopardize their mission; acquiring a breeding stock of nubile young earth girls, most in bikinis. Frank (as in Frankenstein) is also searched for by human scientists Adam Steele (played by James Karen, most famous for his roles in Return of the Living Dead, and even recently as the CEO in The Pursuit of Happyness) and cry baby Karen Grant (Nancy Marshall). Of course during the crash of his spaceship poor Frank has half his face burnt off and his circuitry all screwed up, so sometimes he over reacts and kills people with his bare hands or machetes. Eventually frank winds up trying to rescue the earth girls from the aliens with Dr Steele and there meets the “space monster” Mull and they have a less than epic battle that destroys the space ship and nasty aliens.
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The performances of Marylin Hanold and Lou Cutell as the alien princess and her henchman offer up some of the best moments in the film. Lou Cutell’s nodding and sleazy grins are nearly as classic as his poorly done bald wig make up. Actor Bruce Glover (Crispin Glover’s father and one of the gay hitmen in Diamonds are Forever who kept try to bump off 007) appears briefly as an alien. The movie was voted as one of the 100 worst of all time (what more of a recommendation do you need) though, as I said, is hardly a total flop in all technical departments. You may have a fun time watching all the stock military footage and checking out the swinging gogo pool parties, until they are crashed by ray gun totting aliens who wear space suits that look very much like NASA training gear. It is really a good example of how a chessy camp classic can earn a persistent cult following, and for good reason. It is my definition of a “feel good” movie. It was fun to watch the unintended laughs and guffaws and one of those films that can be enjoyed alone for “research” or a movie party flick.

THE URANIUM CAFE MATINEE: DRACULA vs FRANKENSTEIN

Posted in Al Adamson, Camp-Cheese, Mad Doctors and Scientists, Matinee on September 12, 2011 by Bill Courtney

It’s a real monster mash when they clash!

Yesterday they were cold and dead.
Today they’re hot and bothered!

Sensational sequel to ‘The Curse of Frankenstein’,
which is smashing records throughout the world.

SEE DRACULA vs FRANKENSTEIN RIGHT HERE >>

http://www.hulu.com/dailymotion/http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dailymotion.com%2Fvideo%2Fxfwv2k_dracula-vs-frankenstein-dracula-vs-frankenstein_shortfilms/embed/WDyWJ-TonDf7TOVASWL9qw
DRACULA vs FRANKENSTEIN

STARCRASH/1978/CAROLINE MUNRO/JOE SPINELL

Posted in Camp-Cheese, Caroline Munro, David Hasselhoff, Italian Films, Joe Spinell, Luigi Cozz, Marjoe Gortner, Science Fiction-Fantasy on September 11, 2011 by Bill Courtney
STARCRASH

1978/Director: Luigi Cozzi/Writers: Luigi Cozzi, Nat Wachsberger

Cast: Marjoe Gortner, Caroline Munro, Joe Spinell, Christopher Plummer, David Hasselhoff

Starcrash is one of those movies that has long on my extensive list of films to see before I die. I tend to not rush into seeing most of these films I doubt that on my death bed when I reflect on my life’s regrets that at the top of the list will be not seeing all of the films by Eddie Romero. But I enjoyed the pairing of Joe Spinell and Caroline Munro in Maniac (1980) and The Last Horror Movie (1982) and figured I could not go too wrong with this 1978 Italian made Stars Wars clone. And I was right, this is a fun albeit totally campy joy ride for fans of 60’s styled Italian sci-fi as well as fans of generally bad cinema in general and of Star Wars rip-off films in particular. And while I would certainly call Starcrash a bad movie it is a ‘good’ bad movie that even people who normally shy away from trash films may enjoy to some degree. There are plenty of reviews on line that bash the film and I was a bit stunned to see such negative diatribe coming out of Tokyo Stomp of all places about the movie. I thought TS was a site somewhat like The Uranium Café that pandered bad movies and treated them gently in their reviews. Not so with Starcrash but do not let phrases there like “…nearly unwatchable for many reasons” deter you. This is a watchable and enjoyable little film even if it does feature David Hasselhoff in one of the leading roles (the Princess Leia role from Star Wars actually.) Along with Spinell, Munro and the ‘multi-talented’ Hasselhoff the film also stars Christopher Plummer in the obligatory ‘established British actor who needs to pay the mortgage somehow’ category and 70’s cult figure Marjoe Gortner who plays a character that is Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda and C-3PO all rolled into one.

Director Luigi Cozzi –who worked as assistant director and special effects artists for Dario Argento but lets not hold that against him- does a fine job of capturing the spirit of some of the earlier Italian sci-fi films of the 60’s and early 70’s and I can’t help but feel some of the effects and sets in Starcrash are deliberately cheesy though that would sheer speculation on my part. Even using someone like the always annoying Hasselhoff in a lead role seems like a bit of a joke in retrospect but at the time the guy was a hot item and his hit TV series Knight Rider was right around the corner in 1982. While most of the actors in the film appear to have tongue firmly planted in cheek pretty little Hasselhoff is acting for dear life in all his scenes and his exquisitely blow-dried coiffure is never a follicle out of place. The plot is totally derivative of Star Wars but it was hardly the only Star Wars clone to come along after the mega-success of the George Lucas space epic. While utterly corny places and with schlocky effects that wile lave you flabbergasted at best the film is till ore watchable than some of the other Lucas rip-offs such as the Battle Star Galactica TV series. The movie has rightfully earned itself a place among the great midnight-cult movies and was recently released on the Shout! Factory DVD label as part of the Roger Corman Cult Classic series. I have the nice looking Shout Blu-ray version but I got it here in China and all the cool extras were left off the pirated DVD here. Hate when they do that. All I got was the film trailer.
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The story is, as I said, a total retelling of the Star wars stories with minimal changes in the actual characters and plot. Munro plays Stella Star (the film is aka The Adventures of Stella Star) a space smuggler and greatest pilot in the galaxy. Her partner, or sidekick actually, is an alien named Akton (Gortner) who kills time levitating little orbs of light in the palm of his hand. They soon cross paths with the Imperial Space Police led by Thor (shaved head screen heavy Robert Tessier) and his robot Elle, who speaks with an out of place hillbilly accent that is never as funny as it was probably intended to be. There is a subsequent star fight with weirdly lit and placed stars in the background and a boost in hyper-speed or something that is nothing short of a Millennium Falcon homage or rip-off depending on how you look at life. This proves totally fruitless as the moment they appear out of hyper-space they are caught and sentenced to life on a prison planet. That proves to be nothing for the always scantily clad in leather Stella Star and she escapes easily but is recaptured just as easily but offered the chance for clemency if she and Akton will rescue the Emperor of the Universe –or it may just be of the galaxy, I forget right now- (Christopher Plummer) son from the evil Count Zarth Arn, played over the top with perfection by Joe Spinell. The emperor’s son is prissy Hasselhoff of course.

As Stella Star and crew soar through the galaxy looking for the kidnapped son of the Emperor they meet up with various adventures, strange creatures and perilous situations on various alien landscapes. There is treachery and loyalty and cleavage galore as they continue on their epic quest that will, hopefully, restore good to the galaxy and banish evil… for the time being anyway. The references to Stars Wars are fun look for and are often impossible to miss such as when Akton uses a light saber. Some reviewers have attacked Munro’s space garb as sexist and thank God they are right. You just don’t see space heroines like this any more. Some scenes even show inspiration in the stop action animation department from Ray Harryhausen and in particular a couple scenes from the classic Jason and the Argonauts. If you’re a fan of grade Z camp then this one’s for you, and even if you’re not you My like to kill ninety or so minutes with it. If a person was not a fan of fine trash cinema and I had to pick one film as an introduction I think I could only do worse than recommend Starcrash.
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CHOOSE YOUR FAVORITE STARCRASH SEX SYMBOL PINUP!

THE MONSTER AND THE STRIPPER/1968/RON ORMOND

Posted in Camp-Cheese, Exploitation, Gorillas-Yetis-Bigfoot, Ron Ormond on September 2, 2011 by Bill Courtney
THE MONSTER AND THE STRIPPER
1968/Director: Ron Ormond/Writer: Ron Ormond
Cast: Ron Ormond, Tim Ormond, Peggy Anne Price, Sleepy LaBeef, Georgette Dante, Ronald Drake, Jack Horton, Pauletta Leeman, Harris Martin, Diane Jordon
AKA: THE EXOTIC ONES
As hard as it may be for the uninitiated neophyte to conceive there is a class of “cult” (I do not like that term much lately as it is overused these days but is still most applicable at times) makers whose skill and dubious vision is on a lower rung of the film making ladder than even Ed Wood Jr.. In fact the title “worst filmmaker of all time” has never really been suitable for Ed Wood Jr. since there are moments in his films that show some degree of craftsmanship. Of course I am talking apples and oranges here, okay. Tim Burton made an embellished biopic of Wood’s life and career of the technical nature Wood himself could never imagine. I still find most of Wood’s catalog pretty deserving of being watched over when there is nothing else to do with life. I can dust the house or watch Bride of the Monster again. Not a tough decision for me folks. But even in more remote orbit from the world of conventional filmmaking are a good that churns out what are often called Z-Films. If B-Movies refer to films made outside the normal system and politics of Hollywood on super low budgets then Z-Films represent a world even outside the rules and codes of B-Movies and their creators. I doubt anyone sets out to make a “Grade Z Classic” the way Ted V. Mikels did with Astro Zombies or Al Adamson did with Dracula vs. Frankenstein but somewhere event beyond reasonable human control (such as the collective lack of filmmaking talent on the part of the entire cast and crew) come into play. And yet there is something genuinely entertaining about the films of folks like Ray Dennis Steckler, aka Cash Flagg, and even Herschell Gordon Lewis that can provide a certain portion of the population a sound evening of pseudo-surreal film watching. One could argue that this same said portion of the population is in desperate need of shock therapy or even lobotomies but that brings the subject matter a little too close to home to make me feel relaxed. So lets move on and discuss a truly odd film I had the masochistic pleasure of watching recently called The Monster and the Stripper, aka The Exotic Ones.

Like many other film makers of his selective ilk Ron Ormond’s personal and professional life followed a course much like one of his eclectic films. If you are really interested there is a ten page write up on the man and his films from an article that appeared in Michael J. Weldon’s Pyschotronic Video Magazine. One of these days I am going to begin some posts that provide mini-bios of the lives of influential Uranium charged film makers and I will use info from the above essay to give an overview of Ormond’s life. I know you can’t wait that long and ten pages is way too much to read of the cuff so I will try to give a very rough sketch from the info I have lying here next to me. He was born in 1910 as Vittorio Di Naro and changed his name to Ron Ormond because of the influence of mystic Ormond McGill on his life. Ron Ormond had a fascination with things mysterious or religious and even spent nearly a year in India with McGill researching and writing the book Mysteries of the Orient. McGill and Ormand would collaborate on some other books, that would probably be found in the occult section of a bookstore, with titles like The Master Method of Hypnosis, The Art of Meditation and The Magical Pendulum of the Orient. Later in life Ormond’s religious leanings would take a more Southern Evangalical slant when, after surviving a plane crash, be became born again and followed the hell fire and brimstone preaching of the Reverend Estus W. Pirkle.

Ormand’s contributions to the world of film began to be more substantial when he began working with cowboy star Lash Larue (so named because of the bullwhip the black clad good guy used in his buts with bad guys) in the late 40’s and 50’s. He produced and wrote many of the Larue and other B-Western films of the time for his Western Adventure Inc. production company. He married June Carr and later little Timmy Ormond was born. The times changed and so did Ron and June Ormond’s film making ventures. In the mid to late sixties they churned out a handful of low budget exploitation style films that seem to belong in a little niche all their own. While most people may have never heard of Please Don’t Touch and Untamed Mistress I hope that they will be a little familiar with Mesa of Lost Women, featuring some of the old Ed Wood Jr. entourage such as Delores Fuller and Lyle Talbot (doing the narration).
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Ormond’s film direction took still another bizarre twist when after the aforementioned near fatal plane crash he began making Christian propaganda films for Estus W. Pirkle with titles like The Burning Hell and If Footmen Tire You What Will Horses Do? He died in 1981 and like many exploitation style film makers his work remained lost until VHS and DVD brought them to a level of popularity he never knew in his living years. I have seen Mesa of Lost Women a couple times and am trying to download If Footmen Tire You What Will Horses Do? (Jeremiah 12:5) and Please Don’t Touch Me but the film I just watched and the one this post is about is The Monster and the Stripper and seems to be the film he is most remembered for, alongside Mesa of Lost Women. The title is certainly enticing and it is also known under the less provocative title The Exotic Ones. The film is like that line from Ghost World when the character Rebecca says “Its so bad its good¡± and the totally cynical Enid responds with “Actually it so bad that’s its gone past good and back to bad again¡±.

Like I said, the title is enticing and sounds pretty sleazy but the movie had me using the fast forward often, which is something I seldom do. I was aghast to discover that some people to churn out posts on a daily basis actually fast forward through the film just to get to a review on it. I actually enjoy the fare I watch and tend to do more rewinding and if the film is unwatchable I eject it. The problem with TMATS is that some scenes are fairly watchable Z-Grade material, at least for people to prefer root canals with little anesthesia or think Ed Wood Jr. may have actually been possessed of some sort of genius. The problem really is the dance sequence that are too many and go on too long, sometimes one after the other just filling up reels. They are of the Tease-o-Rama type variety and in small doses could be fun but after a while they really become simply way too boring. What I want to see in a film like this is lots of cheesy acting and corny dialog and goofy monsters. And yes, plump, pastie teasing dancing girls in a sleazy strip club as well of course but it is all just filler here obviously.

The film opens up with shots of New Orleans and the type of over the credit narration that is supposed to give the film a sort of mondo, true life feel. That’s you are about to be exposed to the sights and sounds of some hidden under belly of life in America that few people even know exist, much less have ever witnessed. Soon however we are transported into the less than murky and grimy interiors of Nemo’s Strip Club, run by said Nemo who is played by shade wearing Ron Ormond himself and billed as Vic Narno. His business partner is played by June Ormond and some of the dialog exchanges between consist of them staring into the camera and mouthing a line then cutting to a scene where the other, looking into the camera, reacts. June Ormond sometimes keeps slipping glances into the camera as she is talking and even seems to wink or nod to the camera and it is a little odd. Nemo’s business is slowing down due to competition on the strip he is working and in one scene he has his goons pour a spittoon over the head of a toothless rival who owes him some money. He is watched constantly by what must be a vice cop (Ronald Drake) who wears a goofy straw hat and spews out patronizing advice to one nice girl, Effie, who, in his opinion, does belong in this ratty business. She is played by Peggy Anne Price and she simply wants to be a singer and we are treated to a couple performances of her doing a sort of poor man’s Pasty Cline that are pretty hayseed sounding and do not seem to fit in a burlesque type club. His main dancer is the garishly eye-lined Titiania (Georgette Dante, a real live exotic show girl who stayed friends with the Ormonds long after the film) who is rotund and arrogant and becomes jealous of good girl Effie stealing a little of the lime light from her.

But Narno needs more to draw in customers and on the suggestion of his right hand man Marty (Jack Horton), who looks like he owes every Elvis record ever made, they decides to go into the swamps and bayous around New Orleand and capture the “Swamp Thing” that has been recently killing off hillbillies (or swampbillies) and ripping the heads off livestock. They figure this is just the sort of thing people will money to come in and gawk at. They hire a swamp kid named Timmy (Timmy Ormond) as their guide and the group of four men are soon whittled down to two by the Swamp Thing, a cave man looking brute played by rockabilly singer an guitar player Sleepy LaBeef (some MP3 samples at the end of the post) who lives under piles of Spanish moss. One of the best scenes in the film is when the Swamp Thing rips the arm off one of the hunters and beats the man to death with his own arm. Okay, I thought it was one of the best scenes anyway. There is some irony to this scene actually since the man beat to death was Cecil Scaife who was a PR man for Sun Records and at the time working with Columbia Records. So happens Sleepy LaBeefe (called Sleepy because of his droopy eye lid) was a Columbia recording artist. The dialog and acting in this sequence are simply the “best’ in the film. Anyway, they catch the Swamp Thing, with a hypo-gun I think, and take him back to the Strip Club. The local police seem to have no interest in the fact that a murderous swamp beast has been captured and soon he is on stage rattling the cage bars as the audience stares in shock. Timmy is the only person the monster connects with, for some reason we never understand, and as well he has a monster style crush on good crooner Effie. Naturally the bad girl Titania gets on his bad side when she does her fire act and torments him with fire. In one scene the Swamp Thing bites the neck of real chicken and lets the blood drain over his body. Some trivia here is that the 6’7 Sleepy did not have the heart to actually kill the chicken and so Georgette Dante (Titania in case you forgot) wrung it’s neck off camera and flung it back to Sleepy.

After a pretty non-sexy cat fight between Effie and Titania the monster escapes and kills Titiana then terrifies and bunch of dancing girls who all look like they are laughing at the lumbering, loin cloth wearing Sleepy LaBeef, who is supposed to a pretty funny and hospitable good ol’ boy in real life. The beast squished the skull of Narno while the vice cop in the straw hat just watches, with gun in hand, and winches. In the next scenes we are told that the monster escaped and no ones knows where it is. Guess it just walked down Bourbon Street and back to the swamps without causing any commotion. The film ends with another Russ Myersesque narration. The film actually did rather well on the drive-in circuit where June Ormond arranged autograph sessions with the dancers (including of course Titania) and other cast member sin the concessions area. Not that the Ormonds saw much of the returns of this or any of their films and soon the shady dealings of the exploitation film business, along with his neat fatal plane crash (he may have been the pilot), all contributed to his conversion to Southern style Christianity and his very bizarre but intriguing film work with the Rev. Estus W. Pirkle. More on that stuff another day.

NOTE: One sad note about this article is that when I had it posted originally at my old URL -which was basically destroyed by hackers and unqualified tech support-  the article generated some responses from Tim Ormond and one of the films dancers Diane Jordon. Eventually even Titiana herself (Georgette Dante) contacted Tim and a bit of a reunion occurred and was chronicled in the comments sections and a couple post updates. Sadly when I lost the old URL I lost ll of that precious information. If Tim and Diane are out there I may say hi via your mails and welcome you to the new address for any updates you may want to share. Thanks for sharing the stuff you did and best of luck to you if you read this. Bill.

THE GREEN SLIME/1969

Posted in Camp-Cheese, Science Fiction-Fantasy, Soundtrack Samples on August 23, 2011 by Bill Courtney
THE GREEN SLIME

1969/Director: Kinji Fukasaku/ Writers: Bill Finger, Ivan Reiner

Cast: Robert Horton, Luciana Paluzzi, Richard Jaeckel, Bud Widom, Ted Gunther, David Yorston, Robert Dunham

This is one of the cheesiest and most thoroughly enjoyable B movies ever made in my opinion. I have seen the film several times and it seems to work in similar ways as an anti-depressant. Sadly it seems there is no really good DVD version available yet and the one I got online is a VHS rip that appears to the one every one is unhappy. Hopefully it will be released on a nice wide-screen version here shortly. It is a co-production between the US, Japan and Italy, headed by Japan’s Toei and America’s MGM. There seems to be real and borderline talent involved with the film. Director Kinji Fukasaku is more widely known for his human drama and crime films than rubber monster movies. The completely freaked out theme song was composed by Charles Fox who scored Barbarella and the Incident. The supporting cast is made of foreigners living in Japan at the time, for example, stationed military personal. There is not an Asian face to be found in the entire crew. Ivan Reiner wrote the story and I will be doing a post soon on his Wild Wild Planet, a strange sci-fi adventure made in 1965.

TV actor Robert Horton (Wagon Train) heads the cast with reliable character actor Richard Jaekel sharing in the heroics. Bond girl (assassin Fiona Volpe in Thunderball) Luciana Paluzzi,  as Dr. Lisa Benson,  is the female lead and point of constant friction between Commander Jack Rankin (Horton) and Commander Vince Elliot (Jaekel). Horton’s character is so totally cocky and arrogant as to defy words. The only thing more difficult to describe is his flawless hair that never loses its shape. He assumes command of Gamma 3 space station as he is the only man for the job, and the job is one that Bruce Willis would have to reinact in 1998’s Armageddon and that is to advert or destroy a huge asteroid that in on a collision course with earth. The difference is that the asteroid Rankin must contend with looks like a moldy meat ball. The real dynamite occurs between Rankin and Elliot since Rankin and Dr. Lisa Benson used to be lovers (this love triangle was actually cut from some version since the target audience of kid matinee goers who lose interest, but it is included in most version for those of us who want human interest and romance along with our rubber monsters) and Rankin basically sees Elliot as a pussy who has no business commanding a space station and basically has every intention of getting back under the covers with Benson. But first things first.

He blows the asteroid up of course but the crew accidentally bring back a sample of a slimy green  substance-as in the green slime-  that covered the rock.s on the asteroid. In no time the thing is absorbing electricity and multiplying and frying the crew to pieces. Lasers have no effect other than to help the thing reproduce, but for some reason throwing your laser gun into the thing’s single eyeball seems to stop them in their tracks. Problems for guilt ridden Lisa Benson and prick Rankin are solved easily enough when Elliot gets his face baked by a monster tentacle. Ain’t it great how love triangles are so neatly resolved in movies sometimes? The monsters are really a blast to look at and make the weirdest -and at times really annoying- sounds you are apt to ever hear from a movie monster.

There are lots of unintended but great laughs at the action and dialog as everyone plays it straight faced and serious. Sure the effects and miniatures are really silly but I defy you to not watch this movie and enjoy it. My brothers and I saw this as kids and we used run around the house as the Green Slime -covered in a green quilt and using it for flaying arms- when we all played hooky from our miserable school in San Antonio Tx. I just wish there were a better version to watch and that a DVD version with extras gets released in the States eventually.  Why not? So, are you ready to face the terror of The Green Slime? The horror of a giant asteroid on collision course with Earth? The site of a man’s immovable hair? Then hurry out and get this uranium packed classic right now.
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http://ia700600.us.archive.org/8/items/swf-player/player.swf
THE GREEN SLIME THEME SONG