PSYCHED BY THE 4-D WITCH/1972
The film is really hard to watch and I tried to sit through it without fast forwarding but it was not possible. The editing is simply horrible as is the audio track which is a collection of samples from classical music like Bolero, Night on Bald Mountain and Tristan and Isolde, as well as snippets from some early Pink Floyd’s 2nd album, A Saucer Full of Secrets. But the way the songs suddenly start and end and begin again is really annoying. There is never a stretch of film where the music seems to linger long enough to create a mood. There is however the pretty catchy theme song called Psyched by the 4-D Witch, aptly enough, and I chopped that from the film with a bit of introductory monolog as well. The monologs and dialogs in the film were all dubbed on later and that is not necessarily an uncommon practice, but at least the people in the films are usually moving their mouths in some unison with the dubbed dialog. Here people talk and their mouths never move and on the one hand it is an interesting and creative effect and on the other a pretty cheap and crappy one.
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The film follows in some form the adventures of the virginal Cindy (played by the one name actress Margo) who has been practicing complicated witchcraft rituals in her dorm room that consist of her sitting topless and waving candles around in circles. Aleister Crowley would have been proud of her. Soon she conjures up the spirit of an ancestor named Abigail who was a Salem witch and Abigail (played by another one named actress Esoterica) tells Cindy she can have all the orgasms she wants and still keep her virginity… er, for her daddy or something. The process involves ‘fantasy fucking’ but the naughty F word is always cut out, so we always hear Cindy is about to practice some “fantasy ____”. Her adventures include her gay neighbor (Gutherie) who calls himself a “homo” in the obviously patronizing voice of an uptight straight guy (probably not Gutherie but some ‘actor’ hired later to do the shabby voice-overs). She also has lesbian sex with her Aunt Fannie who has the weirdest nipples I have ever seen in a film and after the sex we hear orphaned dialog that implies the act was actually a three way with Cindy’s father involved! This makes the whole saving herself for daddy understandable now. There is also sex with a rubber snake and her brother turning into the stupidest looking vampire ever after he is cursed by Abigail. You have to see the fangs this guy is wearing to believe it. Then she has sex with her friend’s psychologist father and in between all of these encounters she relaxes by raking leaves and trimming trees. I have actually given the film more structure than it has if you try to sit through it. All of the above action probably occupies fifteen minutes of film. The rest is filled with double exposed scenes of eye balls and puppets and I don’t really know what. The voice-overs were obviously after thoughts and try to give the chaotic scenes some meaning but fail. The dubbed dialog is the best part of the film really but it wears thin pretty fast. Actress Margo wears the worst wig in film history and has zits in the corner of her nostril that the camera feels compelled to zoon in on all the time. Look for a shot of the LOOK magazine cover with Anton Zandor LeVay. Yet another fond memory from a time when Satan was hip. The film is plotless and poorly shot with horrible audio and ludicrous acting and so was released as a double feature with Monster A Go-Go by the folks at Somethign Weird Video. We will look at our feature next but take a break for now and sample the theme song from Psyched by the 4-D Witch and a couple minutes of witty monolog from our horny heroine Cindy: